I want it all

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The messy

The well curated

The loving

The spontaneous

The neurotic

The fabulous

The mundane

I’m happy with it all in life because all of it is what I bring into my life, my vibe, my vortex.

All of it is what creates the vibration of who I am in the here and now.

It is the loving of all that I am and all that I create that allows me to simply flow into the future that I want.

I’m good with that.

I adore all of this.

Smooch

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Letting go of extremes

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It has been awhile since I have written. I have spent the last couple of months wobbling between trying to feel good about the results in my life and feeling down right crappy about the results in my life!

I did not reach my weight goals by the date I had set my goals for.

I did not reach my financial goals when I had set them for.

I did not keep to my daily work out goals.

If the NOW is not the skinny, muscular, financially secure reality I had dreamed of then I messed up! If my finances are not where I wanted them RIGHT NOW then how the heck can they be where I want them in 8 months or 17 months or 5 years from now?

If I am not sticking to my health goals then just how delusional am I to think I can have a goal of teaching healthy behaviors to others in a few years?

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Suddenly I remembered…

Mindfullness in the NOW brings joy.

Mindfullness in the NOW allows me to enjoy what I have achieved.

Mindfullness in the NOW allows me to live my dreams now.

I realized this morning that I only have 13 lbs to be at my goal weight. Living in this new body NOW allows me to more comfortably workout and to wear the smaller sizes that bring me my goal of living a vibrant, sexy, glowing, fashionable life NOW.

I want to be hiking with my son in the Rockies this summer so hiking in Ohio NOW allows me to live in that dream of breathing in beauty NOW  and just so happens to be getting me in better shape for hiking in the Rockies.

Enjoying the beauty of my everyday surroundings NOW bring the sense of satisfaction that makes saving money a joy rather than spending money for instant gratification when I feel lacking.

I had gotten so caught up with my goals that feel EXTREME in comparison to what I see as lacking now that I got bummed out. I became so deeply dissatisfied with my focusing on lack in the now that I lost sight of the abundance in the now.

The abundance of sunlight

The abundance of health

The abundance of kind friends

The abundance of beautiful art in my home

The abundance of finances that keep my bills paid

The abundance of beautiful nature in my yard

The abundance of kind words from friends and clients

The abundance of fun with my coworkers

The abundance of time spent with my son and his partner on their recent visit

My focus on what currently feels EXTREME in my future left me focusing on what I perceived as lacking in my NOW.

I am so grateful to slide back into a place of Mindfullness of what beauty is in my NOW. I started this journey chilled, in receiving mode, honoring my pace that needed to be slow in the beginning. When I realized this morning that I was focused completely on what feels like extreme goals (of course the goals for 5 years down the road feel extreme) I opened a video on YouTube and laughed hysterically when it started with an ad about how bummed out we get about our goals when we are not mindful of the NOW! Ha! The universe made me laugh out loud with that lovely affirmation of what I’d just realized.

Enjoy the day friends, no matter what, just enjoy the day.

 

We are the ones we have been waiting for

Recently I had a group of women over and asked us all to share our biggest dreams/goals. I also asked each of us to tell the group what we need from them to help us on achieving this goal. It was a beautiful night that ended with me washing the dishes, closing up the home, turning off the lights and walking into my bathroom before going to bed. When I sat on the john I looked up and was touched to see what was on my mirror. You see, before the group arrived I wrote on the mirror in bold red lipstick, Thank You. Someone had added during the night in what appears to be rose colored lip liner, “we are the ones who we have been waiting for”.

I’ve read that statement on my mirror every day since, still not knowing who wrote it but feeling love for the gift. In my 7th month of whole foods eating and yoga and my 1st month of listening to transformational speakers I have known 2 things. I need this time alone at home to refocus my brain and my body on taking this life of mine to the next spectacular level. I also know I want to serve humanity by offering support and inspiration to women and girls who like myself have or are growing up poor and battered. Each time I think about how I will do that I am very vague and tell myself, “for now, you need to continue the inner work and then you will be ready to help others”.

Today I got clear with myself. I have been doing the inner work for over 30 years now and am currently just taking it to the next exponentially higher level. I am enough right here, right now to be a mentor.

With fear that I am not enough resonating at some low level in my psyche I researched local organizations that help women and girls in crisis. I chose one that resonated with everything my family would have benefited from in my childhood and slowly, I filled out the volunteer form.

I have no idea if I will qualify for who they look for but its time to feel the fear and walk through it. I’m nervous about the call but I am moving forward in the right direction for today. Each day if we want to achieve our highest resonance with who we are meant to be in the world we must do at least 1 small act toward moving into that space.

Today I took another uncomfortable leap.

OWN IT!

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How much are we willing to reach out and help everyone around us? Yes, I said everyone. How can we reach out and help everyone? Some folks need a shoulder to cry on, some simply need our example of how to move through the world with grace. Sometimes people need and want a reality check from us because they are willing to be uncomfortable on their path to uncovering their fabulousness out loud! Sometimes, people need us to let them stay in their comfy seat and leave them behind so they can stop being so painfully uncomfortable in the brightness of our light.

How do we help everyone around us without running dry ourselves? I have many times in my life, while journeying toward my out loud fabulousness run dry, gotten exhausted, cranky, tearful, angry, depleted. Today, I choose to tend to my rituals that give me a full cup. For me, that’s listening to morning and evening transformational speakers, move wether it is dancing or yoga, breath deep and allow full bodied sound to come ringing out past my throat chakra and into my living room so that I can move through my day with big vibrant energy.

Many days I include hot yummy delicious smelling baths, cleaning my house with products that make it smell soooo good. Other days, I call on my friends. I have a girl friend in Idylwild, Ca. Who I call sometimes to giggle and tell my big exciting secrets too, my dreams are always safe with her because no matter how outrageous they may sound, she ALWAYS says “GIRL!!! That is so YOU! Brenda, that is perfect!”.

My continued journey to live as my highest most vibrant self OUT LOUD in this beautiful world is currently filled with daily rituals and random yummy choices from day to day. I am committed to doing this because all of my personal dreams for my NOW and my FUTURE are based in wanting to serve humanity in a way I have never done before. I know in order to do this with out exhaustion, grumpiness, regret or resentment, I need to have my cup over flowing with love, time, money, inspiration, fun, resources of all kinds that humanity will need from me.

Tonight, I am opening my home to a group of lovely women so that we can create vision boards. We will also share food, wine, facials, mani pedis and yoga. In opening my home and inviting these women to share their highest dreams for themselves tonight, I will end up filled, over flowing with their love, courage, kindness.

How do we help EVERY ONE? I am walking a journey that feels scary at times but that I believe will help me to help others. I write this blog as a woman who has a tiny voice inside saying, “who the hell are you to write and…OMG…actually publish post about powerful transformation”? I do this because with fear still active, I still CHOOSE to act on what my gut says will help me and help all of you.

let’s walk through the fear together and OWN our gifts to the world. The world needs us to stop hiding them.

Smooch!

 

Tenacious patience… A.k.a enjoying the journey

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You all know I’m on a BIG juicy journey. It’s filled with yoga, healthy whole foods, listening daily to inspirational speakers. Sounds great huh? One thing though, I’ve always been impatient.

A couple of weeks ago I started feeling antsy, I want to do the really cool yogi stuff, I want to be even more fit and thin than what my 6 months have given me! I want to stop creating moments of financial hardship on myself NOW!

We all know change takes time. I know that cool yogi stuff can take years to be ready for…not to master but to be ready to start learning. I must safely develop my strength, my flexibility. It takes time to loose fat and build muscle, it takes time to lower your cholesterol with out scary meds.

What  I’ve been reminded of is something I learned 33 years ago. I developed habits and mind sets that would keep me feeling safe. I developed these when I had no one in my youth to teach me how to truly be safe. These habits and mind sets have been with me my whole life so they are pretty certain that they are LARGE and IN CHARGE! So as I reach outside of my comfort zone, these mind sets are freaking the fuck out!

Recently I was thrilled to see that in a short 5 1/2 months I had lost 20 lbs, lost 7″ off of my waist AND am on the right path for lowering my cholesterol!  Since then, I’ve had days at a time of sitting on my butt and not doing yoga, driving home from work and going through the drive thru at…wait for it…KFC!!! I haven’t eaten their food since I was a kid. Sugary treats came roaring back in, and as I attempted to get back on track, I added daily 1 hr of listening to the likes of Les Brown and The FABULOUS Lisa Nichols. Whoa! Suddenly I felt scared, so nervous in the world, so afraid I will never meet my next set of goals…just seriously freaking out!

Well, clearly my subconscious had gotten frightened by my new life style choices but I didn’t realize that’s what my unhealthy binging was about until I started working DIRECTLY with subconscious reprogramming when listening to these inspirational speakers who I could relate too. These are not folks who grew up privileged, these are my people. People who grew up poor hearing from the world that at best, they will be mediocre, part of the masses, but probably not even that. These are my people who have known being broke.

This morning, I continued listening to their speaking engagements on YouTube and I did my morning yoga and I made my morning smoothie and I cooked a healthy lunch to take to work. I drove past KFC grateful that I am not judging myself for my subconscious trying to protect little me and keep me safe with mediocrity. I’m home from work now continuing to do the items on my list, the list I made to accomplish my 30 day goal.

I also learned 33 years ago that in life, you will achieve your dreams if you feel the fear and do it anyhow!

Go on with your BAD Selves! We can do this no matter how hard our knees shake and voices tremble! Baby, we CAN do this!

Stepping outside the comfort zone.

imageWe all have so much to share with the world. We have experiences that will inspire others, hardships overcome that others need to learn from. The process of becoming tenacious enough to speak our experiences out loud is not always easy. Little is… We often chant our affirmations and a month or week or day later wonder why life is not easier. Becoming aware of the life we want to live is a step toward change. Affirming out loud or in writing is an action toward changing our belief system. The nurturing of our dreams is the hard part.

I recently learned that the fast growing Chinese bamboo plant actually takes 5 years to grow. Yep, I’d always read that in a few days it grows 90 feet! I want that sort of transformation!! We all fantasize of that sort of instant gratification, right? Well, turns out someone has to water and fertilize and tend the naked ground for 5 years after planting the seed.

When we become aware of the life we want to live, the goal we aspire to, the brilliance we want to share with the world we have a long, sometimes frustrating road ahead. We need to be tenacious in our patience. Committed to nurturing that dream even during the times that we and our friends and family see NO progress, no sign that we are following the right steps. We have to have moments of silence so that we can hear if our path should remain steady or altered with a different fertilizer, more or less water.

We need to put in daily tending/ action toward seeing the first tip of life sprouting from the rich soil we have tenaciously tended to each day. We need to surround ourselves with people and opportunities that help us learn to grow beyond our own knowledge, our own belief system.

Every single one of us has brilliance and inspiration to share. Our circle is so important in keeping us moving away from the cultural belief that only a few have the freedom to live a passionate life.

I no longer want to fantasize. I want to dream because you see, dreams are goals, goals are attainable, I am tenacious, you are absolutely needed in this world! We all need each other to work hard on sharing our passion if we are going to help women, children, men, corporations, justice systems to heal and lift one another up to our highest joy!

This is hard, this takes work, this takes a support system of people who believe in us. This can be done with our daily steps, small and large. When the chatter in our brains says, “who do you think you are”? Your too poor to make a change, your too old too make a change, and on and on and on…reach out to your vibrant supportive friends and allow them to remind you that you are one big lovely human and it is unacceptable to not work hard on manifesting your dreams, because the world needs you.